Silence
by BloodRaven1996
Summary: This story is a play off of the movie/book Speak being mixed of httyd. Hiccup is an outcast of his school, after he called the cops during a party, but he has a secret nobody knows, something really bad happened on that night of that party. Hiccup is isolating him self from the world and starts to rebel and cuts class, can he tell his ex friends what happened on that night?
1. Chapter 1

Welcome to high school

**I own nothing.**

Today is my first day of high school. I have some new note books,a shirt that I hate and a stomachache.

My name is Hiccup Haddock the third, and I am a total outcast.

I skinny as a twig, red brown thin hair and wispy, my face is full of freckles. the only thing I like about my self are my forest green eyes.

My dad is barley home, he's always at work and ignoring me. he doesn't hate me or anything, he just wants to be alone. ever since my mom died he just isolated him self at work. he leaves me money for food at least, so I don't starve to death, but the only thing I really eat is mushroom pizza with extra cheese. he cares about me still, sometimes I see him and tell him I love you, and sometimes he tells me the same thing right back.

He's still in mourning though, and It's been ten years now.

I barely remember her, the only thing I can remember is her smile and warm voice.

The bus pulls up to front of my house, the doors of the bus fly open and squeak as I walk into it as the bus driver greeted me with a corny smile, I am the first stop of the day because no one else is on yet.

I'm trying my best to avoid all eye contact with old friends and other people, so I sit all the way in the back so I could not be bothered by know one, I just hope no one sits next to me.

The bus picks up more students one by one, making small groups of four and five as we get closer to the school. I'm dreading this as we get closer, I don't want to be here,especially here, everyone hates me.

As I walked off the bus, all the freshman entered to Merry weather high school, they had to change the name because "Home of the Trojans" didn't send a strong abstinence message, so now we are the blue devils of merry weather high school.

All of the older students were allowed to free roam around the school until the bell, but all the freshman were herd into the auditorium, everyone fell into their group. Jocks, the country club,Idiot savants,cheerleaders,human waste,goths,big hair chix,suffering artist,shedders, computer nerds.I am clan less. I wasted the last few weeks of summer staying home and watching bad cartoons and eating junk food. I came to this school with the wrong hair, wrong clothes,wrong attitude and pretty much everything else.

I am an outcast

There is no point on looking for my ex friends. our clan was the "Dragon clan" I know great name we all loved playing World of war craft together and playing call of duty and skyrim on the x box , we have fishlegs,snoutlout,the twins ruffnut and tuffnut and the love of my life, astrid. they all we in different clans. Snotlout was in the jocks,Fishlegs was in the computer nerds, ruffnut on the cheerleaders while tuffnut was on the shredders, and Astrid on the lacrosse team. I look at each of them. none of them look at me. the assembly began as we all listen to what the Principe had to say.

The first ten lies they will tell you in high school.

1. we are here to help you.

2. you will have enough time to get to class before the bell rings.

3. dress code will be enforced.

4. no smoking is allowed on school grounds

5. our football team will win this year

6. we will expect more from you

7. guidance counselors are always available to listen

8. your schedule was created with your needs in mind

9. your locker combination is private

10. these will be the best years you can look back on fondly

After that we all got our schedules and made our way to our classes. My first class biology. It's 8:50 in the morning, I only have 699 days until graduation. freshman year is going to suck.

Later in second period, I have English, my English teacher has no face. She has frizzy dark brown hare and barley shows her face. so I call her hair woman. she wasted at least 20 minutes of class taking attendance.

We have journals to write in, we basically have to write in them each day, I don't mind, I could use something to keep my mind off the hate and negativity in the class.

After that we have social studies for the ninth time in nine years in a row, my teacher Mr. neck. he is a real prick and a bad attitude towards everyone. He scares me.

Finally after four agonizing periods we have lunch. i packed my own lunch for the first day of school, why?. because I really hate cafeteria food, it sucks. after i got my lunch from my locker I scanned the cafeteria for a place to sit. no one I know would want to sit with me, after standing there for almost a minute, some kid thought it would be funny to fling mash potatoes onto my ugly shirt, I herd a another kid scream "fight!" as I ran to the bathroom in tears.

When I was done cleaning up in the bathroom, the bell rang and I got my stuff from my locker and made my way to art class. I felt safe in this sanctuary.

Mr, freeman is ugly, big old grasshopper body, like a stilt walking circus guy. nose is like a card sunk between his eyes, but he keeps a smile on his face as we enter the class.

"Welcome to the only class that will tech you to survive," he says "Welcome to art"

I sit in a desk all the way in the back, all the way up next to fishlegs, I look at him, but he made no eye contact with me what so ever.

Mr freeman babels on how to be creative and how we can be artist one day, me I was just drifting of into space like always. he pulls out a globe and asked us what it is.

"a globe" one kid says.

Mr. freeman rolls his eyes at us and tells us. "no imagination. what are you guys thirteen? fourteen? you've already let them beat creativity out of you" he screamed. he then tells us we have to pick a piece of paper out of the globe/jar thingy so what ever we pick, we have to draw. I got a tree apparently.

" a tree?" I said "it's too easy I could draw a tree since I was in second grade"

He looked down at me. " you picked you're destiny, you can't change it"

I sighed. this was going to be a long year.

After mt first day of school I finally made it home on the bus.

I walked up my drive way to see that my dad wasn't home yet, I guess it's just me and a mushroom pizza on the sofa again.

Ya see, after my mom died, my dad started to make dinner and would put it the fridge so I could heat it up later for dinner, but when he started to stay up later in the office, he would leave me twenty buck or more for dinner. he would leave a note on the fridge and the money on the counter. I just love the way we communicate through sticky notes.

I ordered my pizza and sat on the couch watching the news, I didn't feel like doing anything but eat and being lazy on the sofa while watching some horrible news about people being shot or brutally murdered.

after at least three hours of watching TV, I herd my dads Cadillac pull in the drive way, i put some left over pizza in the microwave and head up stairs to bed.

All I want to do is sleep and never wake up.

all I wanted to do was forget about the night my life changed.

The night when all my innocents was taken from me.

**Hey guys! so I got this idea from reading the book Speak for the millionth time, I love the book and movie, I hope you guys like this chapter, please let me know if you want me to continue with this or just stop what I'm doing and just get rid of it. pleas let me know what you guys think.**


	2. Chapter 2

Fizz ED

**I own nothing**

Gym should be illegal. It is humiliating.

My locker is the closes to the door in the boys locker room, so I could change a lot faster and could get out before anyone could see me. and the only person I know in my class is Ruffnut.

It's late September already and were starting field hockey unit.

I try my best to not get run over by anyone, I was just standing there while everyone else was fighting for the ball and wanting to score. we played out side in the cold wet air, it rained earlier so when we came back inside we were all soaked.

After we were done with gym, the bell rang.

I went to the bathroom and saw my cousin Snotlout, he was buys admiring him self like always. I tried to speak to him.

"hi" I said quietly.

"Mmm" he mumed.

Now what? how am I supposed to break the ice now?

"hows it going?" I asked.

"Eehn" He said.

He walked right past me, as if I didn't existed. he just blew me off.

I sighed in defeat, I need a friend, just somebody I guess.

The next day as I went into English to hair woman's class, Today she pulled me out of class because I had some missing work and that she is growing concern about my grades and all. but I just stood their and pretend to listen, but I just couldn't.

Later that day nobody told me study hall was being held in the library, by the time I got there the period was just about over, so I decide to wait outside for the bus. On the way home on the bus everyone was busy in there own groups of friends, like always. I sat all the way in the back again, some guy sat in front of me and threw something, it was a Ho Ho rapper.

When I got home I saw my dads car in the drive way, I guess I won't be lonely again tonight. I open the door and saw my dad parked on the sofa, he looked calm and steady as he was watching a football game.

"hi dad" I said quietly.

He looked up at me, he actually noticed me.

"oh hey, how was school?" he asked.

"fine" I whispered.

"I got some dinner on the way home, help you're self" said as he turned his attention to the TV again.

I passed him and made my way to the kitchen, my dad got KFC for dinner, a bucket of fried chicken and mashed potatoes and gravy and biscuits,at least it's not pizza again, but at least my dad talked to me for once, over the entire summer I was left alone, I would always go to parties with my friends and just let lose, but on the last month of school everything changed.

I was raped at the party, and I still haven't told no one, not even my dad.

It all happened so fast, I was so drunk.

I cleared my head and made my plate of food and took it up stairs to my room, my dad doesn't care about eating food on the table, hell sometimes we both eat on the sofa together.

When I got up to my room I sat my plat on my desk and decided to do some of my home work for once in the last three weeks i still haven't done none of it, but I really don't care. it all just seems pointless.

I grabbed a chicken leg and scarf that down while doing some math home work, a few crumbs were dropped here and there, but at least it smells like KFC and not fresh clean paper.

After an hour of home work I changed into my pjs and went to bed. big mistake

_I started to dream of the night everything happened._

_Me and the gang were pulled up in Snotlouts car, astrid was sitting in my lap because of how small the car was, the twins and fishlegs were cramp in the back and yelling out the window at other kids in there cars who were going to the party as well._

_When we got there, we all climbed out and looked at the abandoned house, it was in the deep parts of the woods, it still had power in it and about forty other people were in that hose, it was a total cluster of drunk people._

_I started to drink some beer and sitting in the corner of the room, i had no idea of what I was doing, I was 13 years old and shy as a deer._

_Then this guy came up to me and asked me why i was sitting here alone._

_"hey why are you sitting alone here by your self" he asked kindly._

_"I don't know" I said._

_"well you're too cute to be sitting here alone, come dance with me" he asked me, he was being so charming to me and held out his hand for me._

_I grabbed his hand and he pulled me in for a slow dance, my arms were around his neck as his were around my waist and rubbing my back._

_"I think you're really cute" he whispered in my ear._

_I blushed pure red and giggled softly._

_He started to kiss my neck and worked his way up to my lips, he tasted like whisky and chocolate. he started kissing in a warm embrace and holding me steady. after almost five minutes of making out he pulled away and grabbed my hand and pulled me out side._

_"come on I wanna show you something" he said._

_"okay' I said calmly._

_We walked out to the woods were his car was pared at, it was a white doge truck. he opened the car and picked me up and laid my down the back seat. he got up on top of me. I was starting to feel very uncomfortable, I tried to speak up._

_"hey slow down a little" I squeaked._

_He didn't say anything, he flipped me over onto my stomach and started to remove his pants and started to rub in between my legs, I screamed._

_"STOP!" I screamed._

_He put his hand over my mouth, I tried to break free but his grip was too strong. I could hear him unbuckle his pants and his zipper going down. I screamed again under his strong hand_

_"NOOO I DON"T WANT THIS!" I cried._

_But it was too late, he started to rape me, it was so painful. I kept telling him so but then I woke up._

I shot up awake with my father sitting on my bed right next to trying to wake me up. I was screaming and tossing and turning until my dad woke me up.

"It's alright hiccup, the boogeyman's gone, he went that way" He said pointing to some random direction.

I breath out heavily, sweat was running down my forehead.

"are you alright hiccup?" he asked me with concern.

"I-I'm f-fine, it was just a nightmare" I whispered.

"you sure?, you look really pale hiccup" He said as he stroked my cheek.

"I'll be fine"

My dad sighed and got off my bed and made his way out."Alright, hurry up and get dress or you'll miss you're bus okay?"

"yeah, okay" I said.

He walked out of my room as I got up and shut my door and get ready for another day of school.

What am I going to do?

**okay I know I moving a little fast with this, and Im changing some things here and there compared with the book/movie. but I want to change a few things up.**

**so who thinks they might know who raped hiccup at the party? please tell me what you think and tell me in the comment please!**


	3. Chapter 3

Halloween

**I own nothing**

I declare myself that I am too old to go trick or treating this year. I'm thrilled because I don't have to admit to no one that I wasn't invited to any parties or any thing this year. My dad was still at work and left me some money for pizza again.

I ordered the usual like always. mushroom pizza with extra cheese.

I sat down on the sofa and started to watch "a nightmare on elm street" the original version of 1984 and not the crappy 2010 remake. I was up until 11 o cloak and finally decided to go to bed. I didn't want to go to sleep because of the haunting reminders of the "incident" that always came in my dreams.

Maybe I should go live on elm street and have nightmares about Freddy Kruger, at least he would put me out of my misery.

When I got to my room I changed into my pj's and went to sleep.

**The next morning...**

I woke up around 8:05 on my alarm clock.

I was late for the bus...again.

I got and got changed into some clean cloths and made my way out the door. I started to walk to school with some left over money from last night, I looked over across the street and decided to go to a little bakery and got my self two jelly filled doughnut. I wondered what my mom would think if she knew that I was eating all this junk food for the last couple of years of her being gone.

I missed all of her home cooking, but at least my dad didn't forget about me, other wise I would starve to death.

After almost an hour of walking I finally made it to school, I was in the middle of the parking lot in the cold autumn air.

I checked my watch aging and it was 9:47.

English was almost over and I had at least 15 minutes left of class.

When I started to walk towards the door, but I stopped in my tracks as I saw IT.

IT was coming out of his white Doge pick up truck and started to make his way to me. he had a glazed doughnut in his hands as he got closer and closer to me.

"Wanna bite" He said to me.

"..." I was refusing to speak to him, I could only stare at him blankly.

I started to run, screw this I might as well ditch school for the day and just go home and tell dad I was sick and didn't feel like going to school.

I was running back to my house, my safety, the only place I can feel free.

When I got home I threw my book bag at the foot of the stairs and grabbed a kitchen knife and made my way straight to my bathroom.

I had to release some thing to make the pain go away, I can't let no one know about this.

About me cutting my self.

The cutting started a few days after I was raped. my dad was gone like always and I didn't want to call or talk to no one, I felt so numb and useless. I felt so dirty.

"just one cut and it will go away" I said to myself.

But instead of one cut, I made my entire right arm all bloody and red, my arm looked like some took some shredders and made my arm look like a chewed up piece of meat. the only thing I could hope for was not to hit a vain.

I was crying because of the pain and isolation.

All of my friends hated me.

My dad is never around to comfort me.

The one person who I thought loved me, raped me.

and now I'm cutting my self to feel some thing instead of guilt and hatred.

When I got done slicing dicing my arm I looked down at my sink and saw noting but bright red blood all over it, and the same went with my mirror, my mirror had a few speckles of blood on the bottom rim of it.

I started to cry a lot harder as I grabbed some gazes from the medical kit and watched in horror as I started to cover up my wounds. My arm stinged with pain, as if as it was on fire with a mixture of needles.

I wrapped in tighter and tighter. trying to forget of what I have just done to myself.

When it was finally over I grabbed my book bag and went up stairs.

I started to draw a tree, It was a weeping willow with long green branches. but then i started to draw some one in the picture with the tree.

it was a person with a noose tied around his neck.

That person was me.

I was starting to think about suicide at this point. I wanted all the pain and suffering to end.

No one would miss me right?

I mean who in the world would still care about me? everyone at school hates me and my dad wouldn't even notice if I was gone. ,maybe everyone would be happier if I died?

No, I can't just give up like this, I have to redeem my self some how, but how? should I tell some one about the rape? but who would listen to me?

I just can't go right up to some one and say"hey I was raped at this party a few months back by a guy who was 18 years old and I was 13 at this time so yeah can you call the cops?"

No just no.

Besides no one would believe me.

I have to keep this a secret from everyone. I started to cry again and smeared my drawing with my salty tears and hid my self in the closet.

**Thank you to my two followers and two reviewers and the four people who Favorited this story out their, I hope you really enjoyed this chapter! Im really excited for tomorrow for httyd 2!Please comment and tell me what you think about this story so far. i know this is a lot different form the book/movie, but I wanted to take a darker turn in Hicupps point of veiwn in this and switch a few things up. I know this sucks...but bear with me please!**


	4. Chapter 4

Thanksgiving

The Pilgrims gave thanks at thanksgiving because the native Americans saved their sorry butts from staving to death, and the only thing that I'm thankful for is my dad staying late at the office and me having pizza on the couch.

My dad was always gone on turkey day and would always leave me a note or a message on the phone to tell me he would be late or not come home until midnight. if he doesn't sell at least a billion cars on the week of black Friday then he is usually stays at the office and I usually never see him for almost a week.

But this year was different, this time my dad wanted to try to make a regular thanks giving dinner, I told him not to,I begged him to just order pizza like always, but no. my dad just wanted things to be normal for once.

I woke up and made my way down the stairs.

When I got their I saw my dad on his laptop and typing away,he looked like he was up all night andlooked up at me from his laptop,his grey green glossy eyes looked up into mine.

"oh damn, the turkey!" He said as he got up abruptly.

I followed my dad into the kitchen as he pulled the 8 pound bird out of the freezer.

He plopped it into the sink as it made a loud thud,he turned the sink on to hot water so he could try to thaw the ice Berg of meat.

It looked like the ice Berg from titanic, made of ice and could cut through anything.

And I was the ship, I was sinking into the darkness and not coming up for air.

"lets just wait for this thing to thaw"as he sighed in defeat.

I nodded as I looked at him with concern, after that I walked to the living room to see if their was anything on TV besides the parades and the football game. same old stuff like always.

As I was dozing off in the living room I could hear my dad stabbing and butchering the living hell of off the frozen turkey, I knew he wouldn't give up easily on that thing, all he wanted was to have a regular thanksgiving. But lets face it my dad can't cook to save his life,because my mom was the one who always did all the cooking around the house before she died.

Almost seven years without my mom.

I finally got bored enough to go check on my dad in the kitchen to see if the "ice berg turkey" was thawed and ready to be cooked.

When I got to the kitchen I saw my dad standing over a large pot of water with the turkey in it.

"you're boiling it?" I squeaked.

"it's too big to thaw in the microwave so I have to boil it" he said as he was wiping his hands with a cloth.

"oh okay" I whispered.

"are you okay?" he asked me.

" I'm fine" I was lying, I was still having nightmares and I was still cutting my self almost everyday now, for the last three weeks.

He raised he brow at me, he knew I was lying to him, but he just stood their and sighed.

"you just look a little pale that's all"he said as he went back to the boiling pot.

" I'm fine really, it's just-" I paused and looked at the kitchen floor.

He turned and looked back at me.

"are you having a hard time at school?" He asked as he came up to me.

_"no dad I was raped at a party" my mind said._

"no, its just- I don't know" I said.

_"you do know! because you were RAPED!" my mind screamed._

"If somethings wrong Hiccup then just tell me and I'll help you" he said with a soft voice.

"_yes please help me dad, please protect me" I cried in my mind._

I felt some thing for once,my dad was showing concern for me, he actually still cares about me? but instead of showing any distress to him I decided to just let it go.

"its nothing, everything is fine" I said as I turned away and made my way to my room.

"hiccup" my dad whispered.

I went up to my bed room and shut the door behind me and burst into tears.

What the hell is wrong with me?

I looked over at my desk and saw my switch blade I got when I was ten from my dad.

_"you need to cut to release the pain"_

I grabbed my knife and went to my closet.

_"just a few cuts and the pain will be over"_

I rolled up my blue sleeve and look over my scars. My arm looked like I stuck it through a meat grinder, cuts and scars all the way up to my shoulder and down to my wrist.

I started to cut while sobbing softly at the new marks I was making, I felt relief and pain at the same time during each cut, it was the only thing that got my mind of the rape. all I wanted to do was crawl in a hole and die.

As I started cutting deeper and deeper into my wrist I started to feel my wrist throbbing from the pain, but I didn't stop, I kept going.

When I was done chopping my arm to bits, I open my closet door and let the light shine through, I stuck my arm out into the light and saw what I had done.

It was all bloody and red, the cuts were deeper then last time. I started to shake with fear as I started to relies on what I have done.

I slowly got up and went to my desk drawer and grabbed a thing of bandages and wrapping stuff to keep it from bleeding out and infection.

I felt like my arm was on fire, as I started to clean it and bandage it up.

When I finished up my bandages and rolled my sleeve back down so no one could see it. thank the gods it was fall and starting to get cold out side or else I be screwed.

I looked at my self in the mirror, my face was a little pale as my eyes were a little red and puffy from the tears.

"what have I done to myself"

* * *

**I hope you guys like this chapter! I am so sorry for not updating and stuff, but I will update my other stories soon I promise and also OMFG I SAW HTTYD 2 LAST FRIDAY! HOLY SHIT THAT WAS GREAT ASS MOVIE!**

**I will be writing a DragoXHiccup story in a few days or maybe tomorrow idk yet but I will write a story about those two very soon.**


	5. Chapter 5

Wishbone

After the "turkey ice berg" and my closet arm cutting disaster, I decided to have a memorial for my thanks giving turkey, after my dad boiled it all the bones fell off and the meat tasted like rubber, so my dad took out all the bones and buried the left over meat next to our dogs grave.

I was sitting in art class and taking out the bones from a plastic bag, my art class was assigned to use some left over items from our thanks giving break for our project.

"yes! yes you are on fire hiccup" Mr. freeman said with a fire passion. " I can see it in your eyes".

I didn't look at him as he was going and telling the class to "sacrifice yourself to abandoned family values and canned yams!"

Whatever.

I looked at the pile of bones on my desk and started to glue them together into something. maybe I could make this into a pile of fire wood, it would still have some meaning of a tree in it right?

No, a pile of fire wood seemed too easy, so I started to think of a dead tree, you know the ones you would see in a grave yard. that seemed like the perfect idea for the bones.

After a while I noticed that Tuffnut was looking at me, she was the only person I knew in the entire class, I looked up at her but she turned away to avoid eye contact.

The bell rang, everyone got up from their seats and left but me, Mr. freeman wanted me to stay and work on my tree, he said he give me a note for my Spanish class to excuses me.

"you know what I see?" he said as he adjusted his glasses." I see a boy caught up in a holiday gone wrong with his flesh picked off and left as a carcass to dried out"

I snorted at his comment and thought of my self as the carcass, thin, dried out and left to die.

But at the same time, I really didn't care. all I wanted to do was be anywhere but here.

**Later that day...**

I decided to stay after school and work some more on my art project and get some help from Mr. freeman, I started to paint an oak tree with red,yellow and orange leaves falling off it.

I wiped some paint of me and onto my smock when I heard someone coming down the hall way, I turned to my left and saw him, IT.

IT walked into the art room and looked at me with a small smile and asked me.

"hey have you seen Astrid around?" he asked me.

"..." I couldn't speak, the only thing I could do was paint and ignore him.

"uh hello anyone there?" he asked as he came a little closer to me.

"..." nothing but silence for an answer.

Then suddenly I heard Astrid calling down the hallway and poked her head out of the door way.

"hey! where have you been?!, I have been looking all over for you!" she said as she took his hand and walked out of the class room.

"I was trying to find you!" he said in defense. " I was just talking to your friend"

"He's NOT my friend Dagur!" she said coldly as they both left and headed out the schools doors holding hands and acting as if I was never their.

Her words hit be like a ton of bricks, I felt like I was stabbed in the chest, I could feel tears coming down my eyes as it hit my painting.

Astrid and Dagur have been together for the last two weeks now, I wanted to talk to her and warn her of what danger she was in, but I held back and kept my mouth shut.

Astrid was my dream girl, my best friend, and now she hates me.

The reason why she hates me is because I called the cops at this party we went to over the summer, and ever since then I haven't said a word to her, she would never make eye contact with me and if she did it would be a death glare of pure hatred.

I closed my eyes as my mind went back to that dreadful night.

_Dagur had just got done raping me, I crawled out of his car with my torn tee-shirt and pulled up my pants as I made my way back to the party._

_My hair was all messy, my face was all red, my eyes were puffy from all the crying._

_When I inside the house the music was cranked up, joints were being passed around, kids were making love on the floor and almost about everywhere else you can think of and the rest of them were dancing to the beat of the music._

_I stumbled into the kitchen, I searched for the closes phone I could find so I could call for help._

_I looked down at the kitchen counter and saw a pick up phone, my hands were shaking as I picked it up and dialed 9-1-1._

_"9-1-1 what is your emergency?" said a woman's voice._

_I couldn't speak, I froze up and couldn't get the words out of my mouth, I started to sob softly to the 9-1-1 operator._

_"that's okay hon will send someone to help you okay?" said the nice woman._

_I was getting ready to hang up, but I looked up and saw Astrid come up to me as I heard sirens pull up to the drive way._

_"What the hell are you doing!?" she said with anger. " what is wrong with you?!"_

_Before I could say anything I was slapped harshly in the face, she looked at me with disgust and ran out the back door to the others as all the kids were leaving before the police could show up._

_I started to cry as I looked up at an open window and made my escape, that night I walk home, I felt like I walked the mile of shame, well six miles to be exact._

_The only thing I could feel was emptiness inside of me._

_I didn't get home until 5:22 in the morning, when I got home my dad was still gone on his job trip, so I had the house to my self._

_The first thing I did when I got home after I checked to see if the coast was clear, I stepped into the shower to clean the filth off of me, I scrubbed my self hard until I was raw and red, I was crying and telling my self it's gonna be okay._

_But it wasn't gonna be okay._

I open my eyes and left the class room with tears soaking my cheeks of that horrible memory.

It started to rain as I started to run, I was so over whelmed and upset, I wasn't thinking straight.

The only thing I could think about was cutting and harming myself to feel relief and get my mind off my life in school.

The sight of my house came in sight, I didn't see my dad's car in the drive way, I sighed in relief, that means I could be alone and do my cutting in the down stairs bathroom with the kitchen knifes.

I walked up onto the porch and threw my stuff in the hall way and went to the kitchen to pick out a knife, I looked at the knife holder on the counter and looked at my options.

There's the Steak knife,Chef knife,Bread knife and my favorite the Carving knife.

"screw it" I said as I picked up the carving knife and went straight to the bathroom, I shut the door behind

I took my long sleeve shirt off, exposing all my scars on my arms,chest,and stomach. I pressed the knife on my wrist and let the knife do all the work while I watched and cried.

_"just a few cuts and it will be okay" said my mind. "it's only a few cuts, just don't let no one see them and hide them"_

My tears were falling onto my bleeding wrist, the salt in my tears stung my wounds as more blood seemed to come out of me, I started to feel a little light headed.

I felt so helpless and unloved, and all because I was raped, what have I done to deserve this?

I put the knife down and sat it in the sink and went to the tub and turned the hot water on.

I needed a nice long hot bath to calm me down and to clear my mind of this crappy day.

I wished I was home schooled and not hated by almost everyone around me.

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**I hope you guys liked this chapter!, let me know if you liked it or hated it or whatever. was this emotional enough? or to plain and boring? **


	6. Chapter 6

**Before I start things off in this story, someone asked me what grade hiccup is in, he is a freshman, so that answers that question.**

**Thank you for my 17 followers out their :)**

**I own nothing**

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Skipping Class

Chapter six

I woke up and saw my cloak, it was 8:45 in the morning.

So I missed the school bus again, great, I guess I'll take a little break from school.

Everyone I know has skipped class before, I skip class,he skipped class,she skipped class, It skipped class and so on.

I get out of bed and throw on a long black sleeve shirt, a pair of jeans and my red hoodie, I grabbed my book bag and started to walk down to the local bus station.

The local city bus will go to every stop around, I decided to go to the mall.

When I reached the bus stop I could see the bus making its way down the road and heading to my direction.

The doors open making a squeaking noise as I stepped on, I pulled 25 cents out of my pocket and put it in the slot so I could pay to sit.

I sat across an elderly couple, they looked old and peaceful together, they were all smiles and giggles across from me, every ten minutes the bus would stop, and more people just kept coming on and on, and the funny thing was I wasn't the only person sitting alone, I mean when I would sit on the school bus I would always be the loner.

About an hour later the bus stopped right in front of the mall around 9:56.

So basically I have almost five hours to kill until the bus comes back around 2:45.

I walked into the huge mall with my back pack sling around my shoulder, I remembered I would always go with parents to pick out stuff, we would always spend time together like their was no tomorrow.

I walked around to the food court, I saw happy families with their children, I saw young couples holding hands and kissing.

Shivers ran down my spine, all that kissing was a haunting memory, even the slightest touch would make me wanna vomit, I felt a knot in my throat, I felt over come with disgust.

I thought of Astrid and Dagur kissing again, it made wanna throw up, then I thought of what happened to me, could happen to Astrid,oh no.

I made my way to one of the tables to the food court and sat on one of the table and start to write a warning letter to Astrid.

_Astrid, please don't trust Dagur, he will hurt you in the worst way possible, he is a filthy rapist who likes young people and he will hurt you, if you stay with him you will be harmed by him, you have been warned._

I finished writing the letter and stuck it in my folder, to pass some more time I decide to work on some history and English until the bus arrives, as I sat their working more people started to walk in the café. after a while I was finally done my home work for once.

I looked up at the clock and saw the time.

2:37, I have about eight minutes to catch the bus.

I jump out of my seat and pack my stuff up, I started to run back to the bus so I can get home around 4:00, hopefully my dad won't be home then.

A hour later I was at my stop, I started to walk back home in the cold fall and soon to be winter.

I was lucky today, my dad wasn't home yet because I didn't see him car in the drive way,_thank god,_ or else I would be in a crap ton of trouble.

I opened my door and sat my back pack on the stairs as I looked at the phone, I looked over it and it said.

_"You have one missed message" _

I read on where the message was from, and was from the school of course."Great" I moaned. I wasn't surprised that the school called, but I can delete the message.

So I delete it without even listening to it.

After that I went back up stairs to change in my pj's, I felt tired, maybe I should go to sleep.

**The next morning.**

I woke up to the sound of my dad's booming voice.

"Hiccup." he said nudging me."Hiccup, wake up son. I need to talk to you."

I didn't speak, I could only look up at him with groggy eyes.

"Your grades are going down the drain." He said" you have two D's and an F in history, what happened? you use to have wonderful grades in middle school." he said disappointed.

I looked up at him with cold eyes, I just wanted to crawl under a rock and stay there until I was dead.

My dad signed as he sat on my bed, he looked at me with worried eyes and asked me."Is their some thing wrong that you're not telling me?"

I imminently snapped out of it and I thought to my self.

_"Tell him what happened at the party!" My mind screamed." tell him you got raped!"_

But I ignored my self and said with a cheesy fake smile and said." everything is fine" I said trying to hold back." I'm fine, it's just a rough start that's all." I said.

My dad rested his hand on my shoulder." Alright, if you say so." he said as he got up."Oh and I won't be home tonight again, so I left you money for dinner okay?"

I nodded, as he left my room, when he left I went into my closet and grabbed a random shirt, put it in my mouth and screamed on the top of lungs, my scream was muffled so no one could hear me.

Maybe I should just stop talking, maybe it would be for the best.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter seven

Breaking out

I own nothing.

Rebellion is in the air, today is the last week before winter break, I walked into history in Mr. necks class and sat up front.

"My family fought in every war, we build this place here in america, we paid or taxes and we voted, so tell me why my son can't get a job?" he asked us.

A majority of hands raised in the air, everyone except me.

Mr. neck began telling us his pathetic sob story of how his son wanted to be a fire fighter, but didn't get the job because of immigration and all that other stuff, blah blah blah same old crap.

I didn't pay attention as he gave us his rant about real Americans deserve jobs, and all that other revolution crap, I mean we've been learning history for the last eight years, who pays attention to this crap anymore?

I dunno. at this point I stopped giving a shit.

Even if I have a D in this class it still wouldn't matter to me, it's still a passing grade.

**Later that day...**

It was lunch hour, the time where I hide and not eat anything.

Ever since I entered high school, I started to hate my body image, the only thing I've been eating is regular food like everyone else, I would looked at myself in the mirror and be disgusted.

I look at my scars and my tiny waist, I barely eat breakfast, maybe like once a week, for lunch I eat nothing, not even on the weekends, so the only thing I eat is dinner alone on the couch.

The last time I actually ate an entire proper meal was last year, back when everything was okay and not everyone hating me.

Then I realized that I forgot to give Astrid the note I wrote to her.

I couldn't just give it to her in person, then she would think I'm a freaking stalker or something.

Maybe I could just slide it in her locker while she's eating with _Dagur..._

Just saying his name in my head made me wanna puke.

When I was done in the bathroom, I walked down the freshman hallway, no one was there to see me.

Good, I don't have to worry about witness's.

I pulled the note out of my bag, I knew which locker was her's, my locker was only four lockers down hers, it made it a lot easier to remember.

I slipped the note in the cracks on the locker, the bell rings so I headed straight to my art class, I ran as fast as I could so no one would see me.

The rest of the day went pretty fast, I did the same thing like I always did, avoid talking or looking at anyone until the day is over, when I stepped outside snow was free-falling on to the cold hard ground.

I hate the winter.

It starts to early and it ends too late.

The bus ride home was a cluster of talking and shouting, I of course sat all the way in the back to avoid everyone else, after all I was clan less, an outcast.

Then the bus stops in front of my small house, the tress in the front yard were covered in snow as the roof was caked with white snow, it looked liked the side walked was shoveled earlier, as new layers of snow started to cover I noticed my dads car was in the drive way.

I guess he came home early.

I stepped out of the bus and walked up to my porch to open the door, I kicked my boots and coat off as I sat then next to the heater.

Then I heard foot steps coming down the hall way.

It was my father.

"Hey, dad." I said hanging my coat up.

"Why did you skip school last week?" He said blankly, I could tell he was angry, but not enraged.

"Wh- what are talking about?" I said trying to cover up my lie.

"Don't try lying to Hiccup." he said with warning,"The school called me earlier today, they said they left me a message on the phone when you didn't show up to school, but the message somehow got erased."

I didn't say anything, I really didn't know what to say to get out of this.

My dad sighed."Just go to your room." he turned away."and please do your homework, I already got your report card, and let me tell you I'm really disappointed in you, I don't need you screwing up in school and becoming a failure."

My heart was instantly crushed after I heard him say those words to me.

I'll always be a disappointment to him.

Part of me wished that I could be the perfect child for him, but I couldn't, because I lost all of my innocence last summer at the age of 13.

And it was all my fault.

I slowly tipped towed up the stairs in shame, I know my grades were bad, but I thought my dad wouldn't care about that, I mean he's always at work and is never home.

I started to feel horrible about myself again, I knew what i was about to do.

Cut.

I had to cut to relieve my self of the pain and sorrow.

I shut the door behind me and threw my back pack onto the floor, I rummaged throw my desk drawer to find my Swiss army knife, I was able to find it.

So I went into my closet, I shut the door almost all the way, I left it a little cracked so I could see.

I sat the floor and rolled up my sleeve.

All my scars were exposed.

I pressed the cool metal on my left forearm and dug it through my pale skin.

I didn't feel too much pain like last time.

I was staring to get use to it, maybe even starting to enjoying it.

But right now all I can feel is relief.

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**I'm so sorry for the long wait! I got caught up in some personal stuff, so I hope you guys understand.**

**And I'm sorry for a crappy chapter, I promise I'll update sooner, I promise!**

**Thank you for the support and reviews, I appreciate it! **


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